I’m fairly convinced I don’t like soap operas.  I’ve never seen an episode of a soap opera, but I do feel like I’ve just lived through one: drama, betrayal, love triangles, a new surprise with every day.  It feels weird just writing this: I’m a guy.  Before this week I hadn’t even said the word betrayal outside of an English literature class.  But fortunately for me, this little sub-plot in my life ended (hopefully!) after a couple of weeks.  I couldn’t imagine watching a story like this unfurl every day, much less live through it.

As it all played out, though, I came to learn (or re-affirm) a few key things that I thought I’d share with others.  If nothing else, maybe this will provide you with some entertainment.  After all, people love to see fallout from someone else’s problems.  So with that said, here are five things I’ve realized in the past few weeks:

1. People will surprise you – both for the good and the bad – You may have people in your life that will do things to really upset you, but at the same time, you probably also have really good friends in hiding.  An acquaintance at work could become a good friend and an even better sounding board.  Friends you haven’t talked to in months, or even years, could become you most valuable confidants.  Of course, there’s always the flip side.  Your close friends could suddenly become people you barely know.Take it all in stride.  It’s going to happen because we’re all human.  Sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we do things on purpose, but we’re always changing.  Everyone’s dynamic, and no matter what happens, nothing’s going to stay the same.
2. Don’t Lie.  Ever.  About anything – People you’re close to rely on your honesty.  If you have to hide things from them, why are they in your life to start with?  People you’re not close to won’t need to be lied to in the first place.I was reading an anecdote from someone who gave up all lies, large, small, black, white, and he said it has made all the difference in the world.  I can second that sentiment.  Many years ago, I messed up on something big and it nearly cost me my future.  Ever since that event, I’ve told myself that I’ll be living my life completely on the up and up, and a major part of that was one simple rule: “be honest about everything.”

   This really has changed my life.  People know they can believe what you say, but more than that, you know you can believe what you say, and what you feel.  If you have to lie about anything, particularly your emotions, it’s a sign that you have people in your life that you can’t trust to be happy for you, even if you make a decision they don’t agree with.

3. Life’s a lot easier when you know what you want – Think back to the last time you were conflicted about something.  You didn’t really know which direction you wanted to go, which path to take.  How long did you agonize about what to do?  Did you rack your brain trying to figure out an answer?  Chances are, this uncertainty caused you some grief.  Figure out what makes you happy and do whatever it takes to get there.
4. Embrace change – Have you ever heard the saying “the only thing constant is change?”  Well, it’s 100% accurate.  Things are always flowing, always changing.  I’m sure that by now, you’ve realized life is very dynamic.  There are definitely some changes you should fight against, but in the end, things will take the route that they’re going to take.  Your job is to deal with it gracefully and with class.
5. Grudges aren’t worth it – When I was younger, I used to wonder how victims of a particularly brutal crime could ever forgive the person that wronged them.  It just didn’t make sense to me.  One thing I’ve learned, though, is that holding a grudge hurts you more than anyone else.  It’s true you’ll probably never be able to forget the really bad things that happen to you, but the way you deal with them in the future can really determine how the rest of your life will be.  Holding a grudge means holding onto negative feelings, getting upset every time you’re reminded of what happened, wishing negativity on others.  These aren’t really the best things to be putting yourself through.  By working to let go, you can avoid a lot of unnecessary, unproductive stress.  With that said, keep in mind that forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean forgetting.