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Types of dating

Being single is not easy, dating isn’t either.  But, dating can provide some fun in your life if you have the right attitude and mindset.  To find the right partner, you need to prepare yourself mentally for the dating world, because you can get yourself down pretty quickly if you let certain things hold you back.

In general, there are two types of single people:  those who date just to have fun with no thoughts of long-term commitments, and those who date to find a partner to marry.  There is nothing wrong with being in either one of these categories, but you need to ask yourself which type you are – and answer honestly.  This will determine the type of relationship you will find.  I’m going to focus on the second one (finding someone to marry) because that’s the stage I’m at right now.

If you are single, and you choose to date (some people choose not to date), you should be out and about, meeting new people, experiencing life in ways that are different from your normal routine.  You have already met some wonderful people in your life through your “circle of friends”, but so far, you have not met “the one,” after all, you are single.  You will be surprised at the interesting people you meet, and you can define and refine the qualities you are looking for.  That’s the beauty of dating.  Meeting lots of new people, and hoping for a spark along the way.

The process

The first mental challenge that you have to understand is to realize you are a good “catch.”  You like who you are, and you have something to offer.  If you can’t see why someone would date you, than someone else can’t see why they would date you either!  Your qualities can be broad or very specific.  You can have one quality, or several qualities.  The key is to find someone who likes the same qualities you have to offer, and vice versa.

Once you know you are a good catch, there’s something else that is very tough to handle:  the fear of rejection.  This natural fear is always there when you approach someone for the first time, or even when you are in a committed relationship.  If I pursue a girl, and I’m getting the subtle hint that she’s not feeling that same way towards me, my thought is, “Her loss.  She’s missing out.”  That should be your attitude!  Seriously!  It should not be, “Why doesn’t he/she like me?”  If you think that way, you will get yourself down.  When something like this happens to me, I don’t take it as a rejection, rather, I view it as “she’s not the right girl for me.”  It will make things a whole lot easier on you mentally.

A friend pointed out to me a few weeks ago that it’s okay to have “a list”.  What is this list?  It’s a list of requirements that you have that you are looking for in a partner (and it doesn’t matter ridiculous those requirements may be).  My buddy has four requirements on his list.  Some people may only have one on his or hers.  Is one of your requirements that he/she has to be a dog lover?  An outdoor enthusiast?  A Mac-lover?  It’s your list!  It can be as simple or ridiculous as you want it to be!  The more you date, the more refined your list will become.  You might develop a list that is “nice to have,” which is okay, but that list must be flexible because it’s a list of “nice to haves,” not “requirements.”  However, be prepared for your “nice to haves” to turn into “requirements” over time.  Once you have defined and refined your list, you may discover that you already know “the one” and you have missed seeing it this whole time!

Summary

You should think of dating as a process where you try to find a great match for yourself, and hope the other person feels the same way.  If the relationship works out, great!  If it happens to not work out for one reason or another, your attitude should be that it was a great dating experience, you learned a lot about what is important to you, and that person must not be “the one”.  It just means that there is someone else out there for you, and you should feel excited about finding and meeting that person!

As you can see, dating is very tough mentally, but with the right attitude, you will be successful.  It just may take you longer to succeed, and there’s nothing wrong with that!

Do you agree?  Disagree?  Let me hear your thoughts!  I bet you have some.