“He Said, She Said” is a series of articles that deals with a variety of dating issues.  In each article, you’ll get a male and female’s perspective on a dating topic.  In this issue, Shanif Dhanani and Nicole Bernard talk about how to keep a relationship fresh.

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinkmarina

He Said, She Said – Keeping It Fresh

Many long-term relationships have a pretty fantastic beginning. The first three to six months are fun and exciting; the two of you still get giddy at the thought of seeing each other, you don’t eat or sleep much, you are still learning about each other and the experiences you’ve had, the two of you are still probably having sex like rabbits… and then time goes on and the excitement can (though it doesn’t always!) fade, along with your curiosity about each other, and, unfortunately for many, the sex becomes less and less of a daily activity. 

Why does this happen?  Well, simply put, relationships can be like a shiny new toy… they’re really fun at first, but when you eventually figure out the other person, the “newness” and excitement lose their luster.

We don’t like this idea any more than you do, so written below are some tips on things you can do to help keep your relationship fresh:

1. How can we get on the same page?

She said:

Communicate!

Communication is so important. Even if you are dating someone who “gets” you, you still need to open up and tell that person if something is bothering you: don’t make him guess and don’t just assume that he should know. I’ve made that mistake before and the only thing not communicating accomplishes is resentment. What is also important: how you communicate. When you do talk to your partner, don’t speak accusingly and don’t be automatically defensive – this will only end in an argument. Speak calmly. For example, instead of saying, “Why don’t you ever do [insert issue]” say something like, “It really upsets me when you don’t do [insert issue]” and calmly explain why. Starting with the sentence, “Why don’t you ever do [insert issue]” only causes your partner to be instantly defensive, and before you know it, you may be yelling at each other and not hearing what the other is saying…nothing is ever accomplished that way! Calmly speaking about the issues in your relationship that are bothering you allows you to have a civil conversation where you not only listen to what your partner is saying, but you hear them as well.

He said:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  You gotta communicate.  You are both coming into this relationship with a different set of experiences, backgrounds, and relationship histories.  Without discussing what you both want and need, you’ll eventually build up a whole slew of resentment and issues that will blow up in a fiery explosion.  Without talking about what you want, your partner will never know.  Talk about everything, seriously, everything.  No topic should be taboo (obviously this takes time, you need to build up your trust first).  In a previous relationship, I made the mistake of not talking about my expectations and it turned out badly, so, I learned my lesson – talk it out.

2. How do we keep the relationship feeling new?

She said:

Flirt!

Flirting should happen between the two of you long after the “newness” of a relationship has passed. It is a great way to keep things fresh! If you think your partner has a cute butt – great!…pat it, give it a little pinch, be playful! Don’t take yourself too seriously…say something a little naughty in a completely random situation – let him know that he is still very desirable to you!

He said:

The answer is almost right there in the question – do new things.  First of all, make sure to make time for each other.  In fact, that’s so important that I’ll say it again – make time for each other.  It’s too easy to get caught up in the chaos of daily life that you forget about your partner, leaving them feeling neglected.  Don’t let this happen.

As far as doing new things, you have a lot of different possibilities.  I’m a big fan of surprises, though.  Show up at her doorstep with some flowers on a random weekday night.  Cook him a gourmet dinner just because.  Show your partner you care by surprising him or her.  I guarantee they’ll remember it.

3. How do we keep the relationship feeling fresh?

She said:

Make Out!

Okay, I know this sounds a bit juvenile, but seriously, people – make out more! When a relationship is new, we tend to make out with our partner like we are at a high school football game behind the bleachers! This practice needs to be continued long into a relationship and at spontaneous times! If your boyfriend is in the middle of doing some random chore, interrupt him and just start kissing him passionately. Making out let’s your partner know that you’re not only attracted to him, but that you really like him. Having him know that is important as a relationship moves forward. And guess what? Random make out sessions also usually lead to spontaneous and fantastic sex in the middle of the day! Bonus!

He said:

This is similar to the question above.  Do new things with each other, and make sure that he or she knows how you feel.  Tell her she’s beautiful, continuously.  Make sure that you’re very clear about your feelings for one another, you don’t want the other person to be confused about how you feel.

Read ahead: How do we spice up our sex life?»

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