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He said:

Yes.  You can also belly flop into the shallow end of the pool – but just because you can, it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

You need time to recover after a breakup.  Whether that’s one month or two years, you need to be able to define your life without the other person.  By trying to be friends right after a breakup, you’re going to cause a world of hurt and drama.

Take your newfound freedom and hang out with your friends, focus on your career, and grow yourself.

When both of you have healed, then it’s possible to be friends.  One of you will take the initiative to get in touch with the other, and if it’s meant to be, it’ll be.  If not, you have to be prepared to let go and forget about the past.

She said:

When enough time passes between the two of you, I believe friendship is possible. Love is like a drug, especially when you first break up, and seeing your ex while you go through withdrawal is bad news. You need to let yourself detox – cold turkey. Get your ex out of your system and learn to live without that specific person. Cry, heal, move on, go out with friends, live your life and get to the point where you can look back at the relationship as a learning experience. You can still have a place for them in your heart, but make sure your heart isn’t beating for them anymore. It is at that moment that I believe friendship is possible. Friendship is a selfless act that you gift to someone. It’s difficult to be a selfless friend with someone who just broke up with you, and because you are still harboring intense feelings of love and loss, the knowledge of them moving on a bit sooner than you have can create greater feelings of loss and broken-heartedness (and maybe a bit of anger and bitterness too.)

Closing words:

Being friends with an ex is one of the most emotionally trying things that people go through.  You have to transition from talking every day, being intimate, having chemistry, and being able to rely on your ex for anything to thinking of him or her as just another social contact.  It won’t be easy, and most times, it won’t even be feasible.

It may be better to move on after a breakup, especially if you’re coming out of a tough relationship or a bad breakup.  But, there are times when a failed relationship can turn into a great friendship, and sometimes, a failed relationship can lead to a renewed, stronger relationship down the road (though you really, really shouldn’t count on that happening).  If one (or both) of you wants to be friends badly enough, and you really push to make it happen, you can develop a great friendship… but this is more the exception than the rule.  Work on growing, healing, learning, and improving yourself and let whatever may be, simply be.

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