Get The Guy is the male version of Anita Hashmani’s “How Did He Get Her” series. It gives a guy’s point of view on how to go from meeting a new guy to sustaining a long-term relationship. In part 3 below, Shanif Dhanani talks about making sure you actually keep someone that you think is a keeper. Click here to read part 2, where Shanif talks about the dating stage.

Image from Vincent Bouteau

Part 3: Got A Keeper?  Make Sure You Actually Keep Him

So you got past that treacherous dating stage and are now one-half of a (hopefully) happy couple.  Congratulations, you’re probably the envy of all your single friends.  In order to avoid becoming one of those friends, though, you’re going to want to make sure that you keep the relationship healthy.  It’ll take work.  It’ll take sacrifice.  It’ll take commitment.  But that’s what “growing up’s” all about, ain’t it?

There have already been a couple of articles on this site that discuss the obvious aspects of keeping your relationship strong (here and here), so I’m going to avoid going over some of the things that have already been said and touch on some of the less obvious aspects, or at least those that haven’t been discussed before.  Feel free to chime in at the end of this article with your own suggestions.

Ok, first and foremost, let’s go over some basics:

• Don’t cheat – duh.  This is an obvious one, assuming you and your “boyfriend” aren’t in some sort of “open” relationship.
• Talk.  A lot.  About everything.
• Always be honest with each other, even if that means spilling the beans or revealing something that may hurt your significant other.
• Keep being sexy.  Go to the gym.  Wear lingerie.  Go out in makeup and heels.  You’ve heard it before and it remains a constant – guys are visual creatures.
• Make sure to continuously set aside time for each other.

Now, what about those hidden, not-so-apparent things that you may not know?

• Don’t talk about marriage too soon.  The definition of “too soon” is going to be different for every couple, but he may get freaked out by it if you bring up the idea before he has even thought about marrying you.
• On the same note, do not mention the words “biological clock,” “time is running out,” or any other phrase that references your pre-planned time limits for getting married and/or having a kid.
• Get to know his friends.  If this is something that’s going to last, become friends with them.  Make an effort to hang out with them every so often.
• Guys get jealous.  Another “duh.”  Assuming you haven’t done anything unreasonable that would have caused that jealousy, reassure us every now and then when it happens.  Try to avoid the really flagrant stuff in the first place.
• Don’t freak out if he hasn’t told you “I love you” after a few months, or if you haven’t met his parents by the time you thought you should have, or if he didn’t invite you out to guy’s night.  He may not be ready, or he may have simply not thought about it yet.
• Take as much interest in his passions (and work) as you can bear to handle, and make sure to keep up with them, at least as much as they’re influencing your guy’s life.  Guys love having a supportive girlfriend.  To us, it translates into supportive (possible) future wife.
• Compliment us on the little things every now and then.
• Surprises work wonders – dinners, vacations, weekend getaways, even gifts, anything, all great ideas.
• Watch what you tell your friends about him and your private life together.  We know you guys talk about everything, but some guys may not be cool with that.  Before you go blabbing about what he did, make sure he won’t feel uncomfortable knowing you told your girls.  It could lead to a lack of trust and him becoming closed off.

There are a lot of other little things that you can do to make sure the relationship keeps going strongly.  The most important thing to keep in mind, though, is that your relationship is (hopefully) based off mutual trust, communication, honesty, respect, attraction, and probably friendship, so just keep building off those foundations and you’ll be fine.  Oh, and remember, in relationships, just as in life, timing is everything. Be careful about rushing things and pick your battles wisely!