Get The Guy is the male version of Anita Hashmani’s “How Did He Get Her” series. It gives a guy’s point of view about how to go from meeting a new guy to sustaining a long-term relationship. In part 1, Shanif Dhanani talks about the meeting. Click here to go to part 2 – the dating stage.

Image from Vincent Boiteau

At this point, it’s common knowledge that guys don’t understand the “fairer sex.”  However, I’ve also heard rumblings from my female friends that the opposite is also true.  Guys and girls have no idea what’s going on in the others’ head.  But things really don’t need to be that complicated (especially with us guys, we can be pretty simple creatures).  Hopefully some of the tips below will help you get through the dating world with a little less stress and a lot more knowledge.

Part 1: The Meeting

Before you even start to worry about him meeting your parents, popping the question, or what type of dog you two will pick out, you’ll need to met him first.  Honestly, the best ways to meet someone new is through your current friends.  But following the spirit of the female version of this article, I’ll go over a couple of tips to meet that guy that you’ve been eying from across the bar:

• I’m sure you’ve heard the term “guys are visual creatures.”  It’s completely true.  We can notice a good looking blonde in heels and a slinky dress from across the street, five blocks away, and with a hot dog stand partially impairing our line of sight.  That means that the more you keep yourself up, the more you’ll be noticed.  Whether or not that attention is desired is up to you, though.  Keep in mind that even though most guys will notice you in that short skirt, not too many of them will actually come up and say anything.  So you’re going to have to help us out.
• If you see a guy that you’re interested in, the best way to meet him is to go up and introduce yourself.  I’ve heard a couple of girls say that they think guys are turned off by this, but nothing can be farther from the truth.  If a girl comes up to me and expresses interest, it immediately boosts her status in my eyes.  Guys are so used to being the pursuers that it’s not only a great change of pace to be the ones that are chased, but it also actually increases your attractiveness in our eyes.  I’m not sure why, but there’s something about a girl that can come up and show her interest that makes her instantly more appealing to us.  It’s hot, it shows confidence, and it boosts our egos (something that is a surefire way to get a guy attracted to you).  This is probably the most effective way to meet a guy that you don’t know, but it’s also the toughest way, trust me, as guys, we know.  Even though this is a great way to meet a guy, you do run the risk of having him not be interested.  Most guys will be nice about it, but not having your interest reciprocated can sting a bit.
• If you just can’t see yourself approaching a guy, you’re going to have to find another, direct, way to get his attention.  Very few guys will know that the furtive glance you just gave while stroking your hair means you want him to come talk to you.  With us, simpler is better.  You could ask one of your friends to go up to him and see if he’s single, and if he is, have her push him over to you.  This actually happened to me recently, and it spawned a good conversation.  Honestly, any sort of spoken communication or interaction with a guy will generally work, assuming a guy is attracted to you.  In fact, it’s common for a lot of guys to interpret any conversation with an attractive girl as an expression of interest from her part.  The caveat is also true, though.  If he’s not attracted to you, he could completely dismiss anything you say, even if you’re flirting overtly.
• After striking up a conversation, the rest should be smooth sailing.  Be interesting.  Talk about things you guys have in common.  Flirt.  Be funny – this is a big one, guys love girls that have a good sense of humor.  Be at ease with the situation and just relax.  If you’re nervous, don’t show it – confidence is sexy.  Feel free to make fun of him, it shows you’re cool and that he can open up around you (but keep it light and breezy, obviously).
• If things are going well, initiate a little physical contact.  Guys will always notice when you touch their arm or shoulder, give them a little push, or a quick punch.  We may not let on that we do, but we notice.  You may want to keep this in mind if you’re talking to a guy that’s just a friend, too.  Remember, if he thinks you’re attractive, he’ll be looking for signs that you’re into him.
• If he’s around his friends, don’t worry if he goes back to talk to them.  If he’s worth getting to know, he’ll make sure he talks to you again.  In fact, he may even invite you into his little circle and have you start talking to his friends.  That’s always a good sign.  You’re in.
• Eventually, the bar or club will close and you’ll have to figure out where to go from there.  If they’re interested, 99% of all guys will ask for your number (if he’s really smooth, you won’t even realize he’s asking, it’ll just happen).  However, there’s always that 1% that may be too shy.  For that guy, you’ll have to determine if you want to get to know him more.  If you do, ask for his number and give him yours, too.  Let him know you’d want to see him again.  Yes, it’s bold and you’re putting yourself out there, but if you really think he’s worth it, why miss the opportunity?
• If you think there’s any sort of long-term potential there, do not go home with him that night.  There’s something about an easy girl that really makes us think you’re not datable.  Wait for him to call and give it a few more dates before things get too intimate.

That’s pretty much it.  Generally, if a guy is interested in you, and there’s any sort of conversation between you two, he’ll take the lead from there.  But there may be times when we need that extra push, so don’t be afraid to give it.  In part 2, I’ll talk about where to go from here.  If any of this is completely new to you and makes as much sense as quantum physics, feel free to post questions in the comments section and I’ll do my best to address them.