John Mayer Was Right: You Gotta Say What You Need To Say
At this point, you may find yourself a little surprised to be reading an article written by a guy on the topic of communication. Trust me, I’m just as surprised to be writing it. Those that know me pretty well wouldn’t list my openness as one of my most defining characteristics. But that’s exactly why I have to write about it.
When it comes to dating and relationships, I, like perhaps, many males, would just prefer things to fall neatly into place. For a long time, I didn’t think it was too much to ask for to be in a relationship that just worked. Then I got real.
These days, more than ever, we’re prone to conflict in our relationships. Everyone is so dynamic, with their own set of experiences, and more importantly, expectations, that it’s almost inevitable that differences with your significant other will rise to the surface.
You could just ignore these differences, hoping they’ll go away. Come back to me in a couple of months and tell me how that goes.
A lot of times, when something doesn’t go the way you wished it would, you need to be proactive about addressing it. If you let things sit, without discussing them, they get worse. But, I’ve found, miraculously, that if you talk them out, things generally turn out okay.
Though sometimes, especially for guys, the actual hurdle is the “talking”. I’m guessing you don’t like to do it. But you gotta do it. You don’t want to lose that “special someone” because you couldn’t tell her (or him) what was going on. I made that mistake; let me tell you, regret is not fun. Ultimately, being able to talk about anything will bring you two closer. It’s actually a pretty good way to bond.
So, if there’s something that’s bugging you, speak up. If you need to get something out, do it. But do it correctly. Don’t explode. Don’t make accusations. Don’t point blame. Certainly don’t bring things up at the wrong times.
You need to be smart about the way you communicate. Focus on the issue at hand and how it affects you. Make the discussion about that, nothing else. I guarantee, you’ll get better results that way than if you bring up what he or she did to annoy you three weeks ago. After all, you should have talked about that when it happened.