Image from Adam Foster

I’m not an environmentalist. Far from it, actually. I’m a proponent of Global Warming. Bikinis in February? Yes, please! But for the past two months, the environment has been a pretty hot topic in light of BP’s little accident. I’m a bandwagon jumper, and I think it’s about time I got on this one, since it seems to have become pretty popular. Here’s what I do to help the environment without feeling like a hippie:

1. Order liquor at bars. Think of how many bottles of beer a club sells in a weekend, and we know they don’t recycle. Ask for drinks on tap, or better yet, have a real drink. Beer is for children anyway.

2. Carpool. I don’t actually do this one. I’m not a morning person, and someone in my carpool would inevitably get hurt on their way to work. But if you don’t hate people in the morning, rolling 5 deep will make your coworkers think you’re popular. The best part? You and your entourage get to use that nifty carpool lane that reminds other drivers how lonely they are.

3. Recycle, because it’s illegal not to. Some states will fine you for throwing plastic containers in the trash. I’d rather save that money for my growing collection of speeding and parking tickets.

4. Use online banking and bill pay. It’s just easier. I can pay my bills at work, and I have fewer bills coming into my house. Ever cut your tongue while licking an envelope? It hurts. Save trees and avoid paper cuts.

5. Enjoy nature. Have a picnic or go camping. I’ve never been camping; I’ve been outside and I get the picture. I hate trees. People crash into them, and things fall out of them. Greenery in general is dangerous, since vermin of all kinds can hide in it. Then you have the bugs. I’d feel safer playing rugby than having a butterfly land on me. But I have found one way to enjoy the beauty of Mother Nature: tanning. I live about two hours from the beach, so I usually settle for a pool, surrounded by concrete and devoid of greenery. But I’m using the sun; I’m solar powered, and that’s a big deal for nature lovers.

That’s really all I’ve got. It’s not much, but every bit counts, right?