There’s 9-5, and then there’s everything else

How many of you busy singletons are thrilled with the way the dating world is turning?

Me either.

For a lot of busy young professionals out there, things like dating can be more than a challenge, they can be down-right frustrating and a test of extreme patience. There are two types of professionals out there: the one’s who have a typical 9-5 schedule and the one’s who’s schedule will never be 9-5; and unless (for some very lucky reason) both parties are very secure with themselves and understanding of one another, mixing the two types on a date can be tiresome.

For example, while I was on a first date with a man, having a conversation about our daily lives, he said, “So when will you have time for me?” There are a few things wrong with that statement; first of all, I don’t really know you yet, so you shouldn’t be worried about when I will or will not have time for you. Let’s get past the first date first and then decide whether or not we want to make a second one. Second of all, the comment sounds very desperate. We barely know one another and already you’re complaining that I don’t have enough time for you. Third of all, I work hard to try to get my business running strong. No one is going to just hand me a bunch of clients and say, “Here you go, here’s all the clientele you need to be successful.” If I don’t work hard, no one else is going to work hard for me, so don’t expect that I would give that up for you on a first date! Fourth of all, if I like you enough, I will find the time to be with you (when you really like someone, things like sleep become less important!)

As you may have guessed, he was not the person for whom I sacrificed my sleep.  It turned out (from continued conversation) he had a child who he thought (and I quote) “is a pain in the ass” (and he wasn’t joking). He then proceeded to say that he doesn’t see his child as often as he has the opportunity to because once he meets that “lucky lady” he wants to spend all of his available free time with her, without his son getting in the way. I don’t mind the kid part, but if you think your child is a “pain in the ass”, then I want nothing to do with you. Some random chick in your life should not be more important than your child!

Work at it

But I digress. Out of the dates that I’ve had, I have found that the typical men who are 9-5’ers are intimidated by my schedule… because I don’t really have a schedule. Uncertainty scares people. A life without routine makes people nervous. The ironic part is that I do have a routine, but it is one that is conducive to my life. As I said before, if I like you enough, I will find and make time for you. I almost think of it as immediately unfair (and trust me, I know life isn’t always fair!) that these men become so intimidated straight away. After all, I do not have the same reaction when I discover that they may go to sleep at 10:30 p.m. and wake up at 5:30 a.m. every day. If it works for you, good – keep it that way. I don’t want you to change your lifestyle for me, because if we do find out that we really like one another and want to spend more time together, a little bird named compromise usually makes an appearance… And if you don’t like birds named compromise, than I suppose we shouldn’t even waste our time, should we?

Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we didn’t try to figure out (on the first date) whether or not we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with that person? What ever happened to just going out and having a good time, enjoying the company of one another for the sake of just that? I think things could be much simpler if we stopped attempting to figure out how the entire relationship would play out on the first date (unless, of course, it is painfully obvious as in my little anecdote above!). Plain and simple, if you like the person and they seem to be interested in you, go out again, and again after that. You might discover that you really don’t care as much as you thought you did about things like schedules and what it may be like later down the road. You won’t even get a chance to travel that road unless you are a little more open-minded to the fact that not everyone’s lifestyle is going to parallel yours anyway!

Read ahead: It goes both ways»

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