Image from Amy Mud Pie

Avoid regret

As I’ve gotten older and wiser (though some would argue against this), I’ve realized that there are a select handful of things I would have given anything to know when I was younger.  These things could have saved me a lot of grief and would have made my life a lot easier.  One of them would be to “follow your heart.”  Maybe I’ll do a post on that later – right now that’s some of my own advice that I’m still trying to follow.

Another one, and perhaps one that’s more important, would be to “avoid regret.”  Or perhaps more precisely, “learn to predict what you’ll regret later and avoid doing those things now.”

When I was younger, I had no idea what I’d regret in my future.  I was just trying to deal with each situation as it came up.  But eventually, I began to be a bit more introspective, and I learned enough about myself to realize what it was that I’d regret and what it was that I’d be proud of in my later years (yes, I realize I’m talking as if I’m 60, ignore that for now).  Hopefully, everyone can get to that stage sooner rather than later.  Knowing who you are and what you value is extremely important to developing yourself, and if you have enough insight to realize how your current actions will influence your future state of mind, you’ve got an enormous lead in the process of your self-development.

Live, learn, and be opportunistic

Of course, it’s not always possible to avoid doing things that will later cause you regret.  You’re always going to make mistakes, but when you do, the best way to deal with them is by taking a look at your previous actions and figuring out what it was that you did in the past that you were proud of, and what it was that made you remorseful about your actions.  When you know that, just repeat what made you proud and don’t repeat what made you feel sorry.  It really is as simple as “living and learning.”

And if you have the chance to retroactively fix something that was causing you regret, grab it.  Be opportunistic (that’s another life lesson I’ve learned).  Don’t let things slip through your fingers - ironically enough, by doing so, you’ll be regretful later!  Use your regret as a way of empowering yourself and moving forward.  If there was something that you wish had gone differently, fix it and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

According to Neal Roesse, a professor of psychology at the University of Illinois, a series of studies conducted in the last 15 years found that Americans have four main areas of regret: education, career, intimacy, and parenting, in that order.  It seems that regret lasts longest when the opportunity that originally created that regret sticks around.  Apparently that’s why people always wish they had done more schooling – because they can still go back to school.  It’s the same with your career – you can always change jobs or move up, and if you don’t, you feel regretful.  Similarly, with relationships, if you think you still have an opportunity with a past relationship that you screwed up, it can make you regretful for not pursuing it.  As for parenting, I’ll leave that to the mothers and fathers of 20sUP; I am most definitely not the best person to speak on that subject.

So what does this mean for you?  If you come across an opportunity now that you just know, or even feel, like you’d regret if you didn’t take it, grab it.  Yes, you can always do it later, but that would require overcoming a lot of inertia, which is a really tough thing to do.  Take the reigns, try to push away your fear, and “make it happen.” You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.