I have a question for you: if you knew how each of your previous relationships (whether pseudo, semi, imagined, or actual) would turn out before you got into them, would you still have pursued them?

Don’t answer just yet.

The benefits of a failed relationship

A lot of times, we go into relationships with high hopes and possibly unrealistic expectations.  For a while, those hopes and expectations almost seem like they’ll pan out.  But then the honeymoon period ends and reality sets in.  Sometimes, we can work through all the obstacles and live happily ever after.  Sometimes.

The majority of time, relationships run their course and flame out (or end in a huge explosion).  When it’s all over, though, we usually end up learning something.  The lessons we take away from these failed relationships are actually very important for future relationships.  They help us learn what works, what doesn’t work, and where we need to improve.  They make us better people and, eventually, all of those lessons we learn eventually come together to help make that one, final relationship work.

What you can learn

I’ve been in all sorts of crazy dating situations.  From my first long-term relationship (which was ironically my longest) to a 2-week fling that took on the plot of a soap opera, I’ve experienced a huge range of scenarios.  And through it all, I was constantly learning.

I learned what I’m looking for, what I’m attracted to, what I’m not attracted to, the importance of trust, the necessity of communication, how to control irrational emotions, when to pay, when to let her pay, how often to call, and the consequences of not calling (trust me, there will be consequences).

I also learned who my true friends are, who I can count on, who I can’t count on, how to deal with a broken heart, how to avoid breaking hearts, how to make things last, and what things end a relationship.

The point is, I learned a lot, and I found out who I am and who the people around me truly are.  Yes, throughout it all, there was hurt, but there was also a lot of fun and happiness.  On top of that, I experienced some of the most memorable situations of my life, and I ended up with some of the closest friends I’ve ever had.  My life is better for having gone through those experiences, and I know that they’ll help me one day when it really counts.

So yes, for the most part, I’d do it all again.

There was one relationship I went through which was particularly tough, and getting over it and the breakup was really rough on me.  Not a fun experience.  However, that relationship was one of my most important, since it taught me about the importance of open and honest communication, and trust.  Trust is crucial.  If I knew I could have learned these lessons further down the line, without having to experience the significant amount of heartache that I did, then I might have considered avoiding it.

But you know what?  Maybe I needed that experience to really learn my lesson.  Maybe you needed your last heartbreak to learn your important lesson.

So even then, I’d consider going through it again.

What about you?