Get The Guy is the male version of Anita Hashmani’s “How Did He Get Her” series. It gives a guy’s point of view about how to go from meeting a new guy to sustaining a long-term relationship. In part 2, Shanif Dhanani talks about starting off a new relationship right. Click here to read part 1, where Shanif talks about the initial meeting.

Image from Vincent Boiteau

Part 2: The Dating Stage

So you found an awesome guy, charmed and flirted your way into his phone book, and now you want to do the same to his heart. This is where things get real. The dating stage with a new guy can make or break a potential relationship, and one wrong move really can send a guy running in the opposite direction. You’d be surprised how one small action can make the difference between a follow-up call and never hearing from him again. Check out some of these tips to make sure your first few dates go smoothly and lead to a potentially long and happy life with 2.5 kids, an SUV, and a white picket fence.

• Please, please, please don’t be too late for your first date.  Whether he’s picking you up, or you guys are meeting somewhere, try not to be more than 5 or 10 minutes late.  If you do happen to be running behind schedule, call or text him to let him know as soon as possible.  We don’t care if you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to look good for us if that results in you making us wait for 20 or 30 minutes.  Really.  Be punctual – it shows respect and it make us wonder if you’re going to be late for everything in the future.
• Keeping in mind the point above, look amazing on the first date.
• If we ask for your preference between a couple of different restaurants, or any other recommendations for what you want to do, answer us honestly! Don’t say that you don’t care, and that “anywhere is good.”  We’re asking because we want you to have a good time and we want to make a good impression, so give some suggestions on things you like.
• Most of us do expect to pay for everything on the first date.  That means that we’ll either be setting up something at a coffee shop or somewhere else low key, or we don’t expect you to run up a fortune in appetizers, entrees, and drinks.  At the end of the date, offer to pay or split the check, and actually mean it - that is, of course, unless you don’t want to see him again. Most of the time, he won’t let you pay, but by offering to do so (and actually putting up a fight that shows you’re serious), you demonstrate consideration and class.  We don’t like to feel like we’re being used for a free meal.  Trust me, it happens.  There was one time I actually didn’t call a girl back because she didn’t even acknowledge the check when it came.  If he doesn’t let you pay, buy him a drink later.  If he actually does, he owes you (unless you split the check). If you force him to let you pay for half, you quickly become a keeper.
• With that said, eat something if you’re out at dinner.  Guys don’t like it when you hold back because you’re trying to avoid looking like a pig or trying to give a good impression.
• We’ll try to be as chivalrous as we know how to be, but don’t expect much.  It’s not that we are trying to be rude, it’s just that it can feel very awkward for us as male 20 or 30-somethings in the 21st century.  Some of us will open the door for you, but there are very few of us left that will actually pull out your chair for you before you sit down, or stand up when you leave the table.  It’s just not in our upbringing.  Don’t be offended – do you really want to linger on such an inconsequential thing if everything else is going well?
• During the first couple of dates, keep things light and humorous.  Serious conversations can seriously detract from our appreciation of how cool you are, assuming we have a different perspective on the topic in question.
• Do not spend 5 minutes taking a call or texting your friends during the middle of the date.  If you need to do that, say you’re going to the bathroom, get in touch with whomever you need to, and then come back, phone in hand (or purse).
• If you want to build up tension until your next date, avoid kissing him on the first date.  But I have to say, there are few things hotter than having a girl initiate the kiss.
• After the date is over, send a quick text message saying “thanks,” but keep it brief. Don’t profess your love over the phone just yet.
• If you felt like things went well on the first date, don’t be afraid to initiate the second one.  Like I said in the last post, guys like girls that take the initiative.  Even if you don’t initiate, stay in touch with us (again, assuming things went well).  We don’t like it if you suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.  It could make us feel used.
• If we don’t call you (or text, instant message, Facebook chat, email, or otherwise get in touch with you), chances are, we don’t really want to see you again.  Don’t take it too hard.

These tips should help get you through the first few dates.  In part 3, I’ll talk about how to keep your new-found relationship running smoothly.